The Healer's Garden Page 17

  "Now, talk.” Jahara put her palm on her forehead. “Not in my head, but with your mouth. Let's argue like civilized people do—loud and rowdy. Give it to me, all of it, Brenimyn, I deserve it.” Dropping the candlestick, Jahara shifted on her feet, her hands waving in invitation.

  "Why bother to talk? What are you going to tell me, Jahara ... more lies? You lie to me, you lie to Merenith. Do you even know the truth anymore?” Brenimyn threw the pack on the floor, the clothes spilling from the top. “You tell me one thing then in the blink of an eye, tell Merenith something different. The worst part is ... you lie to yourself, Jahara.” His voice was dangerously calm.

  "How dare you?” Jahara pointed her finger at him. “You don't know me. You don't know what I was before I came here."

  "I guess that's the point, isn't it?"

  "Hey, you were the one who chose me. You're the one who pulled me into your prophecy.” She waved her hands in the air. “Some vision your birth-sister had when you were young. Well you know what, Bren? Maybe I'm not that person.” She pointed at him. “I'm no warrior. I didn't ask to come here and bring about a new world order. My world was working just fine for me before they dragged me here kicking and screaming."

  He slanted her an assessing stare. “If that's how you feel, Jahara, there's nothing more for me to say.” He bent to pick up the pack. “When you know what you want, they'll be able to find me. I'll tell them you have chosen another breeder."

  "What I want?” Jahara balled her fists at her sides, the anxiety turning to anger. “What I want?” She laughed, throwing her hands in the air, turning her back to him. “I know what I want.” Wrapping her arms around her chest, she tried to protect her splintering heart. “I want to be free to love you. I want not to break Merenith's heart.” She wiggled the ring in the air over her shoulder. “I want my healing powers to work like fairy dust and have everyone magically be happy. I want to stop working so hard to figure out my place in this world.” Turning slowly, Jahara faced Brenimyn again, swallowing hard to control the myriad emotions flowing through her.

  "But we don't always get what we want so easily, do we?” She threw her shoulders back, staring him in the eye. “I know only one thing for certain and that's how I feel about you.” Cautiously, she stepped toward him. “I have learned more about myself since arriving here than all my twenty-eight years combined. I know that love is not something you control. It sneaks up on you and wraps itself around your heart. It comes when you're not looking for it. I know, because I've searched a long time and when I finally stopped looking, it blindsided me.” Jahara continued slow, measured steps toward the man she loved.

  "True love is so intense it steals your breath and makes you dizzy with the power of it. It fills all the missing holes in your soul and makes you complete.” She stopped moving. “What I didn't know, but have come to understand, is that my heart was looking for a man, not a woman. And not just any man, but you, Bren. I have only known women in my life. I committed myself to Merenith, not knowing she wasn't the one.” She walked to him, looking up into his eyes, hoping he would not push her away.

  "I love you. That's no lie.” She took his hand and splayed it over her womb. “I want more of what you gifted me with today. I want your children. I won't give them away, because they would be created in our love. I could never lie about that. What you heard on the communicator was the lie. I don't want you to go, Brenimyn, but if you don't believe what I've said ... well, then I don't want you to stay. Because I also understand that love is a choice. One we make every day. I choose to love you.” She put her other hand on the stubble of his cheek. “But more importantly, I choose to let you love me. I didn't have to accept what you offered, just as you don't have to accept what I freely give. I didn't mean to hurt you, but that's part of loving someone too. I don't understand it all, but I'm willing to learn."

  Dropping the pack, Brenimyn's hand covered hers. “Jahara, I loved you before I knew you. I believed you loved me, but to hear you speak to Merenith...” She watched him focus on his clothing and swallow hard. He took a deep breath before looking back at her. “I didn't know which was real. I have never loved another. I can't comprehend the confusion you must feel. Listening to you, I was afraid you'd chosen her. It wasn't anger that had me packing my bags, it was terror. I felt my heart rip from my chest as you talked to her. I wasn't sure it would continue to sustain my life."

  "Brenimyn, I'm sorry, I am so sorry.” She laid her cheek on his chest.

  Putting his face on the top of her head, he brought his arms around her back, holding her close. They stood like that until their hearts found a rhythm and beat as one.

  * * * *

  "Merenith, I'm so glad you're there.” Jahara sat in the office in front of the video communicator. Though Brenimyn was next to her, he was not in view of the screen.

  "What happened that made you leave so quickly? I've been worried. Was there an emergency?” Merenith sounded worried. “The breeder, is she all right?"

  Jahara smiled over at Brenimyn, her fingers laced with his on his thigh. She squeezed his hand. “No ... and yes.” She looked back at Merenith. “Mer, I know I've only been here a short time, but so many things have happened. I want to tell you about them."

  "I have no plans. There's plenty of time to talk,” Merenith stuttered when she spoke and Jahara knew she sensed something was amiss.

  "Mer, I want you to meet my breeder. But I think it's important you two meet face to face."

  "That's impossible. Next week I'm not allowed in the Garden proper and he's not allowed out."

  Jahara inhaled patience. “I understand that. I think there's another way. I want to try something. I don't know if it will work."

  "Jahara, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

  "I need you to meditate with me..."

  "Now?"

  Jahara put her hand on the video communicator. “Yes, Mer, now. Look at me, focus on me, the way we've done before. Imagine the river and the last time we were there.” Jahara's head tingled and she knew Brenimyn was making a telepathic connection with her. If this worked, he would be the conduit that took them all back to the river.

  "Jahara?"

  "Trust me, Mer. The river. The spot where we went into the mountains with the horses.” She couldn't bring herself to mention the commitment ceremony they'd held in the shade of the evergreens. “Imagine the wind and the rushing water. Hear it. See it. Feel yourself standing with me.” Jahara's tone was sing-song, soft and lilting. Her eyelids grew heavy with the power of meditation.

  Then she was there. Standing next to Brenimyn, their fingers still entwined. Jahara smiled at him, knowing none of this would be possible without his gift. “Thank you."

  "Go to her.” He nodded his head. Merenith stood with her back to them, looking out over the river. Her hair danced in the gentle breeze coming off the rushing waters. The sun made her skin glow, giving her an ethereal radiance. Jahara thought Merenith had never looked so vulnerable.

  "Merenith.” Jahara ran into her arms and inhaled the scent of her, the floral shampoo and musky odor of the animals. This was perhaps the most difficult thing Jahara had ever done.

  "How are we here?” Merenith pushed away from her. “I can feel you.” She ran her fingers through Jahara's hair. “I can smell you. We've never meditated so deeply, Jahara.” Her gaze roamed over Jahara's face and she leaned in to kiss her. Jahara turned so Merenith's lips grazed her cheek.

  "Mer, we need to talk."

  Looking over Jahara's shoulder, Merenith ignored what she had said. “Is that your breeder? You don't think we're going to, well, you know, all of us?” Merenith laughed. “Copulating is so repulsive you wanted my company?"

  "No,” Jahara said it a little more emphatically than she intended. “Mer, sit with me.” Pointing to the boulders, Jahara stole a look over her shoulder toward Brenimyn. He'd settled in meditation in a grassy patch in the shade of a pine.

  "Jahara, why did you bring me here?” The sen
tence trembled through Merenith's lips.

  "Please, just sit."

  "I don't want to sit.” Merenith's words slammed into her and she flinched from the impact.

  "Mer,” Jahara reached for her.

  "I knew this day would come. But I wasn't prepared for it to arrive so soon.” Her eyes misted. “There's another. Isn't there?” She crossed her arms in defiance. “Barely a month at the Garden and you've already found another?"

  "It's much more complicated than that."

  "Complicated?” Merenith stalked to the river's edge, picking up a stone and heaving it into the churning waters. “It's not really. A simple yes or no would suffice.” She threw another rock. “But since you avoided the question, I already know the answer.” She picked up a large stone and heaved it with two hands, screaming as she did so.

  "Merenith.” Jahara grabbed her. They struggled, arms flailing, but she would not let go. “Merenith. Dear. Sweet. Love.” Shaking her head, Merenith pushed at Jahara's hands, the fight slowly ebbing from her struggles. Merenith fell into Jahara's embrace, sobs wracking her body.

  "Don't let go of me, Jahara. Don't say the words."

  "Merenith.” Jahara ran her hand down Merenith's back, feeling her despair. “I needed you to teach me. I had never known unconditional love except with my Dame. No one accepted me with all my flaws before you, but..."

  "No, I don't want to let you go.” Holding Jahara's face, Merenith bent to look in her eyes. “I still love you. There's so much more I can teach you. No woman will ever love you the way I do.” Her chin trembled as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

  "I know that, Merenith."

  The woman straightened, pulling her hands away as if Jahara's flesh were made of hot embers. “You're not...” Merenith waved her palm in the air between them like a flag. “Oh, don't even ... it's not possible.” Her gaze darted from Jahara to Brenimyn. “You don't know what you're doing.” Stretching her arm, Merenith shook her finger at the man placidly sitting with his face turned to the sky. “There's something unnatural about this. I can feel it."

  "Merenith, he's telepathic. Brenimyn brought us here so I could be with you."

  Merenith laughed through her tears. “Telepathic? A man with gifts? Right. And I suppose you're going to tell me you've fallen in love with him and plan to run away into the wilds together."

  Jahara looked away, ruffling the grass with her toe.

  "You're living in some fantasy world, Jahara. It's not real.” She spun around in a circle. “Just like none of this is real. A man is not capable of loving. He's a breeder, for goodness sake. He was raised to copulate, to impregnate women, what does he know of love?"

  Merenith's words cut deep. Holding her own rage at bay, Jahara kept her tone even. “He was kidnapped from the Garden as an infant and raised by his Dame. He grew up with his birth-sisters. Mer, he knows love."

  "If you believe that then be with him at the Garden. Let him stay in your apartment, be together. Bear your two offspring, but then come back to me. Choose me. I will wait for you. He can't possibly love you the way I do.” As if the burden of her profession were too much, Merenith's knees gave way. She sank heavily to the lush grass. Dropping her face in her hands, the tears started anew.

  "Mer.” Jahara knelt in front of her, rubbing the satiny skin of her shoulders. “You deserve someone who can give you more than me."

  "What you give me is enough. I'm content. I won't ask more of you.” Merenith's words were muffled by the crying and her hands. “I thought it was me. I felt your distance, but I thought if I loved you enough, you would be happy."

  "I was happy, Merenith."

  She looked up. “Then why?"

  "Because he's a man. Because he's the one who is the other half of me. In my own way, I loved you, I still do. But that's not enough for either of us."

  "Don't let this be good-bye.” Merenith's nails bit into Jahara's skin.

  "But I don't love you the way another woman would. You know there's always been something missing. I didn't acknowledge it until I found him.” Jahara moved the hair from Merenith's face. “You're so much more perceptive than me. You knew, didn't you? You've lived with it for a long time."

  Nodding her head, Merenith rubbed her face against Jahara's palm.

  "Brenimyn's the one for me. I wasn't looking, but there he is. There's no hole now.” Jahara brought Merenith's hand to her heart. “There shouldn't be a hole in your heart either. I need to let you go so you can find the woman for you. She's out there waiting for you. Your heart is searching for her. If I stayed, you would be compromising. We both would be compromising. I love you too much to let you do that."

  "A man? You're sure?” Shuddering at the thought, Merenith's mouth curved in a sad smile of acceptance. “They're not for everyone.” She looked over Jahara's shoulder. “It must be destined. You've known him such a short time."

  Brenimyn's love gave her courage. “I knew him the moment I met him. It just took some time before I could admit it to myself."

  Merenith's misty eyes searched Jahara's. “I want you with every fiber of my being, but it's your happiness that I desire more. If it's he who makes your heart sing then be with him."

  "He makes me happy, Mer."

  "It's obvious, even your eyes are smiling.” Merenith took Jahara's hand, staring at the ring glinting in the sun. “Your heart does not belong to me. I've known from the beginning I would only be gifted with it for a short time.” She gently kissed Jahara's palm. “And I have cherished every moment of it. Take this off.” Merenith touched the gold band, her eyes glistening with acceptance. “It's Brenimyn's heart that binds you now."

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  Chapter Sixteen

  Xylice Kilyl yawned loudly, hoping the two burly women in the front of the vehicle would get the message. It was much too early in the morning for a sane woman to be moving about the Garden. The Head of Computer Technology had called her barely an hour ago to report some major malfunction that required Xylice's expertise with computers.

  Rolling out of bed, she'd waddled into the bathroom. The six month old fetuses taking up residence in her body made any other maneuvers difficult. Splashing water on her face, Xylice had tried to wash the sleepy cobwebs from her head, wondering which system could have gone down. Everything in her apartment seemed to be in working order.

  The Garden had an elaborate computer network running all aspects of the residences and the environment, from air and water purification to temperature controls. Even the timing of the moon light, which had gone from the sky and the rising sun, which had not yet appeared, had been programmed to simulate the real world.

  In the year since Xylice had arrived, no system had ever shown the slightest deviation from the norm. What could possibly be so important that she had to be roused from a perfectly good night's sleep? Everything around her seemed to be functioning.

  Xylice had had little more than enough time to pull on some breeches and tie back her hair before the women escorting her were pounding on her door. They'd hustled her into the waiting car discussing whether or not they should run with sirens. Xylice didn't even know government vehicles had that capability. As she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, she was glad they opted to ride to her office without the wailing noise. It would give her time for a brief catnap.

  Yawning loudly again, she absently rubbed the growing mound of her stomach. In the last week, the babies seemed to have stretched her belly beyond any size she'd thought possible. The smocks she preferred no longer fit. Xylice could wear nothing more than breeches slung low over her hips. Not that she minded. She was proud to show off her new body, with its protruding belly button and weighty breasts. One of the babies did a slow roll as if it knew she was thinking of him. Though the healer hadn't told her, she knew they were boys. The thought pleased her.

  She inhaled deeply, hoping there would be the usual assortment of pastries and teas at the complex. She hadn't had time to eat. Suddenly
, the tires squealed wildly on the street as the vehicle careened around a sharp turn. Xylice lifted her head, defensively shooting her hand out so her body didn't slam into the side of the car. They were traveling unusually fast.

  The orange hue of sunrise illuminated the buildings in the neighborhood of the breeding residences. Why weren't they going to her office at the computer command center? By the time the tires screeched to a stop at one of the apartments, Xylice had come fully awake.

  "We are here,” the guard on the passenger side of the car muttered. She looked down at the official papers in her hand, confirming the address.

  "A private residence? Are you sure?"

  "Yes, honorable breeder."

  "The occupants are suspected of crimes against the government.” Swiveling in her seat, the driver looked back at Xylice. “The security system has gone down and needs to be repaired immediately. We can tell you nothing more than that.” The deep timbre of her voice made the words she spoke even more frightening.

  "What exactly is happening here? Why was I involved? I'm a computer specialist, not a security expert. Can't you just go in and arrest her?"

  "We can't tell you anything more. The facts are classified.” The first woman spoke with authority. “There is no need to fear for your safety, or that of your unborn offspring. We will protect you.” They laid their hands on the weapons at their hips.

  Xylice had never noticed security guards were armed. She was becoming increasingly more terrified. Nothing these women said helped quell the fear coiled unpleasantly in her stomach.

  "I need to call the head of my department. I don't like any of this,” Xylice said as she unclipped the portable communication device from the waist of her breeches, Xylice pressed several buttons.

  She was relieved her superior answered after only one ring.

  "Elona here.” The woman didn't sound sleepy.

  "Elona, it's Xylice. What's going on?” Fear trembled through her words.