Garden of Serenity Read online

  “Tell me she can give you what we’ve experienced. You admitted yourself you’ve never had such wonderful sex.”

  “That’s not quite what I meant.” She stepped back again, putting distance between her heart and his. “Granted, being with you was physically pleasing. But we both know without love, copulating is nothing more than our primal need to continue the next generation. And there was definitely no emotions involved.”

  Brenimyn’s reaction was nearly imperceptible and he recovered so quickly that Jahara wasn’t sure she hadn’t just imagined he’d flinched at her words.

  “Just spend time with me. Choose me for your breeder. Pick me to be your only mate.” He stepped to her, his arms encircling her waist. She didn’t fight him.

  “Brenimyn, Kylie will never permit it.” Jahara shook her head. “She introduced you as her mate. You and she will make physically pleasing offspring.”

  “You know why she’s trying to have a third child? The other two were males. It embarrasses her. She wants a female birth child to take home. She won’t be satisfied until she has that. So, she stays here as a teacher until she can complete her task. The whole mating ritual disgusts her. You should see the cleansing process she goes through when we’re finished copulating. It’s insulting really. I’ll be damned if that woman will ever carry any offspring of mine.” A lock of hair had worked loose from her braid and he tucked it behind her ear. “I choose to give children to someone who will love them.”

  “I’m not sure I’m that woman, Brenimyn.”

  “I’m sure enough for both of us.”

  His mouth slanted over hers and ravaged it until she was breathless. He hardened against her belly. “Brenimyn, you are so cocksure of yourself,” she said. His arms around her made her brazen and Jahara rubbed provocatively against him. “You know I’m not going to be very good at this copulating business.”

  He rubbed his nose against hers. “Oh my sweet, I have every intention of helping you master the art of loving me.”

  Her stomach somersaulted at his choice of words.

  Chapter Seven

  Jahara flopped down on the couch. She’d been flitting about the apartment, fluffing pillows, straightening unseen messes, fussing with her hair and clothing for two days, waiting for Brenimyn to arrive. She still wasn’t sure why she’d let him talk her into this craziness. Though Ishawny was no longer available, she definitely should have requested another breeding guide. She no longer believed she could be with Brenimyn without the aid of another woman. It was all such a bad idea.

  Staring out the back doors, she contemplated another swim. It could be hours, perhaps days before she heard anything from the Governmental Body. Kylie was pretty high up in the chain of command. Jahara’s request to usurp the claims of another had most likely been denied. She leafed through the disks on the small table before her, hoping to find something entertaining to occupy her time.

  “I thought you’d be waiting at the door to greet me.”

  Jahara screamed, sending the disks sailing through the air. She turned to see Brenimyn leaning casually against the post between the kitchen and the great room.

  “I’m happy to see you also, most honored one, cherished of humans, gifted breeder of offspring. I am pleased to be at your service.” He bowed low, his dimples framing the curve of his mouth.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” Her words trembled softly over dry lips. Now that he’d arrived she wasn’t sure she wanted his company.

  He straightened, his strides long and gracefully as he moved toward her. “Your request was complicated, most honored one.” She watched his mouth form those words. I didn’t think Kylie would ever release me. She pulled in all the favors she had out there, but in the end, the priority of a new breeder always takes precedence, he said telepathically. The words echoed softly in her head. “I would be happy to service you. Perhaps I could draw you a bath?” He spoke aloud for the benefit of those watching.

  Getting away from the ever-watchful eye sounded good to her. She could talk with him and figure out if it was excitement or dread knotting in her stomach. Jahara snaked her fingers through Brenimyn’s and allowed him to lead her to the guest bathroom. He released her only long enough to turn on the water faucets. Task completed, he held out his arms.

  Like a magnet, she had no control of the feet propelling her forward until she found herself pressed tight against the hard wall of his chest, melting into his embrace. His muscular arms covered her back and the tension flowed out of her body. Male pheromones must be quite strong if he could make her want him so. Why else would she find herself snuggling against the warm skin of his chest, inhaling the clean scent of soap and spice and feeling like she’d just returned home after a long absence?

  He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. “My arms have been empty without you, Jahara. Something about you crawled under my skin and has been making me jittery. You’re like a pleasant tickle I couldn’t quite scratch until this moment.”

  Looking up into his eyes, Jahara saw more than just a breeder. There was something special about this man. He touched her soul in a way no other human ever had. The moment their hands had touched in the great room, sparks of awareness had jolted over her nerves. She hadn’t realized how strong their connection, until he’d been away from her. But even in the seclusion of the bathroom, away from the cameras, she wasn’t brave enough to admit she’d missed this man.

  Instead, she let his lips brush softly against hers. She opened to him. Though they had kissed only a handful of times, he tasted as familiar as her Dame’s cooking, and Jahara feasted like she hadn’t eaten in months. This was not betrayal. It was simply the physical reaction to her body’s desire to procreate. She hadn’t realized it would feel so natural.

  Her hands worked their way under his tunic, kneading the firm muscles of his back while his tangled in her braid. He took possession of her mouth, taking control of the tempo. He swallowed her moans of desire, giving them right back to her.

  She wanted him. She needed what he had given her when Ishawny was here. She didn’t fear their coupling as she had a few days ago. This man was gentle and Jahara craved what only he could do for her. “Brenimyn, please mate with me.” She gasped out the words, wanting everything his touch promised, but his hands froze on her shoulders and he jerked his head back.

  “What did you say?”

  The spark of desire that had flared so quickly in his eyes faded. His jaw knotted and his brow furrowed. Perhaps men needed more time to prepare for copulation. Smiling, Jahara leaned into him, trying to capture his mouth and bring back the pleasure they’d shared only a moment ago.

  “I said ‘mate with me’.” She spoke in a sultry tone.

  “Mate with you?” Shoving away from her, Brenimyn plowed his fingers through the thick waves of his hair and stared down at her. “Mate with you?” The question echoed off the tiled walls. Surely the audio magnifiers in the other room had picked that up.

  “Didn’t you say you missed me?” She reached for him, but he stepped away before she made contact.

  “Please, Jahara, don’t touch me.” He paced the floor and Jahara had no idea what she’d done. He mumbled at the floor, his fingers scrubbing at his face. “This is wonderful. I had sex with Kylie nonstop for the last two days, knowing there was something so much more intimate waiting for me. I’ve been counting the moments until I could see you again. I thought finally I’d found the one I’ve been seeking.” He stopped moving long enough to look at her.

  She knew pain when she saw it and the lines on his face spoke of anguish and misery.

  “You.” He shook his finger at her. “You were supposed to be different. I feel it every time we’re together. I thought it was real. I thought …” He released a breath of frustration. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. Yeah, Jahara, I’ll mate with you if that’s what you want from me. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to have the evening meal before we do it.” He left the bathroom an
d slammed the door, leaving her confused and very much alone.

  Because she wasn’t sure what she’d done to cause such a sudden change of attitude, Jahara couldn’t bring herself to run after him and apologize. She’d spent hours preparing for his arrival, but she stripped and stepped into the cold water of the shower, hoping it might wash away her transgression. Rubbing at her body with vicious strokes that left her skin painfully raw, she tried to cleanse the feeling of betrayal she’d unknowingly heaped on Brenimyn.

  Thirty minutes later, dressed in a flowing floral frock she’d picked up in one of the little shops yesterday, Jahara swallowed her pride and walked into the great room with her head held high. The table was set with candles and flowers, the smell of food making her stomach grumble in protest. Her nerves hadn’t allowed her to eat today.

  She peeked into the kitchen but didn’t find Brenimyn. Jahara turned when she sensed him moving up the hall from the other bedroom. He’d found the clothing that had been delivered earlier and had changed into a long-sleeved shirt and a dark pair of trousers, his bare feet carrying him into the dining area in a few long strides.

  “Most honorable Jahara, you look lovely.” Stopping a few feet from her, he bowed at the waist. “I’ve brought food and would be pleased to serve the evening meal.” He stepped around her, pulling a chair away from the table. With a gesture of his hand, he invited her to sit.

  As the waves of his displeasure slammed into her, she tried to figure out how to repair damage to something she hadn’t known she’d broken. She fell heavily into the seat. “Brenimyn, I’d like to talk about …” She spoke to his retreating back.

  He stuck his head around the corner. “Would you like Dakaru root with dinner? It will ease you into a more-comfortable mating.”

  “No, thank you. Water would be fine.”

  “As you wish.” He bowed again.

  What in Hades had pissed him off? She felt his erection against her belly when they were groping each other in the bathroom. There was no mistaking his need or her body’s desire to join. Now he was acting like some servant, unaware of how much she wanted him.

  Brenimyn brought dishes from the kitchen, bowing again before standing at her shoulder.

  “It would please me to have your company at my table.”

  He stared at the wall. “I am but a breeder. That is not permitted.”

  “Is your primary job to please me?” He looked down at her and nodded. Even he couldn’t argue with the logic she presented. “Then I insist you join me for the evening meal. I am not accustomed to dining alone.”

  He reluctantly sat across from her. She wasn’t sure if this was a charade for the cameras or how he would treat her while he resided here.

  Don’t ask me any questions right now. I’m still too angry and hurt. His words echoed in her head.

  “I don’t understand what happened.”

  “Would you like salad?” Holding up the bowl in front of him, she watched his mouth form those words. I mean it, Jahara, don’t press me. You forget there are people watching. But she didn’t see him speak those. “It’s made with fresh produce.” Again his mouth enunciated very clearly. Obviously, he was acting for the benefit of the observers. What passed between us, did it really mean nothing to you? Did you not believe the things I told you? His lips were pressed in a thin line of displeasure even as his voice echoed in her head.

  Steepling her fingers at her chin, she stared at him, still pondering the cause of his evident disappointment in her. “Brenimyn, I don’t know what to believe.” There were no other words. When he didn’t respond, she sat in silence and ate her meal, feeling very much alone in his presence.

  They cleared the table together and though he attempted to push her away, she insisted on helping with the dishes. This man was not her slave, merely her breeding partner. She turned to Brenimyn, his handsome face still creased with a gravity she hadn’t seen two days ago.

  “Brenimyn, we need to talk.” She flipped on the water at the sink, hoping it would cover the desperation in her tone. “I need to understand what’s happening here.” His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and she placed her hand on his muscular forearm, feeling the power of her touch ripple through him. “It’s important, please.”

  “It would please me to be with you now, most honorable Jahara. Perhaps we could retire to the bedroom?” He abandoned the dishes in the sink, taking her fingers in his and pulling her down the hall.

  But Jahara wanted this night to be about acceptance, so she redirected Brenimyn to her bedroom. When he only nodded and acquiesced, she wasn’t sure he understood the symbolism of how much she was willing to give him.

  “Why don’t you sit comfortably on the bed? Have you ever meditated? Without the use of a breeding guide, you may find it helps you relax before we …” He swirled the air with his hand, unable—or unwilling—to complete the sentence.

  Apparently, copulating held an emotional component for men. He obviously had strong feelings for her. Males were indeed complex creatures. She needed him to understand that the act was merely physical. She just didn’t know how to tell him that without hurting his feelings again. Everything seemed so confusing at the moment. She wanted to make a life with Merenith, but her body desired this man.

  Lighting candles around the room, he spoke telepathically. Jahara, there’s a bond between us. I think I can use that to connect us and pull you with me into another place away from here and away from the damn cameras. There, we can talk openly.

  She looked up at the blinking red light attached to the watchful eye mounted in the corner of the bedroom, letting him know she understood. “Join me on the bed, Brenimyn.” The observers had to believe she controlled their joining.

  Sitting cross-legged, they faced each other. He took her hands in his and she stared into the icy blue depths of his eyes, relaxing her body, setting her mind free. Soon, she was freefalling, but for once, she wasn’t alone in her meditation. The room fell away and they were on the bed in a meadow. She looked around, not really believing she had done this with another person. But they were there—together. The wind caressed her cheek and she heard the plaintive cry of a hawk in the distance.

  “Brenimyn?”

  “We did it.” His lips, didn’t move, but she heard his voice in her ears.

  “Is this real?” Her thoughts telegraphed into the air.

  “For us it is.” His hand caressed her cheek.

  “What do the cameras see?”

  “I’ve never done this before, but I suspect they see our bodies in motion. Connected like this, we can hear each other’s thoughts. Feel free to speak your mind, Jahara.”

  “Brenimyn, I think I owe you an apology. This whole thing is so confusing and obviously I did something that offended you.”

  “No, Jahara. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. It’s just that …” He paused, searching her face. “There’s so much more here than you realize. I’ve been looking for you for so long and now you’re here with me in the flesh. I should have been more patient. You’ve only just arrived. I shouldn’t have expected you to know me. I’m sorry.” His hands cupped her cheeks, his thumbs tracing her cheekbones. “Suffice it to say, we have a future together.”

  “Our future will be no longer than it takes for me to birth two children. There can be nothing between us but the physical, Brenimyn. I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed if you want more.”

  “Please, just open your mind and let go of all you’ve come to believe before you met me. I’m asking you to trust in me and what I’m saying. Just be with me. Let me have all of you, not just your body but your mind and spirit as well. Open your heart to the possibility of loving me. I know what I ask.”

  Understanding finally crystallized. He wanted to be more than her breeding partner. He wanted to be her lover. It had never occurred to her that men might desire the same type of relationships as women.

  “Brenimyn, I told you, my heart is already taken. I’ve promised m
yself to a woman named Merenith.” Jahara wasn’t sure if it’s what Merenith wanted, but she wanted nothing more than to find the one love who would complete her and fill the emptiness. If she believed hard enough, perhaps Merenith would be that person. “All I know is that physically being with you is pleasurable. It also fulfills my obligation to procreate. Right here, right now, there’s nothing more I can give you but my body.”

  “Then for now that will have to be enough.”

  He leaned forward, his hands fisting in her hair, his mouth possessing hers, making her want. Brenimyn laid her back on the pillows, trailing kisses about her face. She gasped, trying to replenish the air rapidly spilling from her lungs.

  His tongue flicked along the shell of her ear and he whispered, “Jahara, I have never wanted to be with a woman the way I ache to be with you.”

  Though he didn’t say it, she knew there were unspoken words of love hanging in the air between them. She hadn’t promised him her heart, so she felt no regret when she pulled his shirt from his trousers. Her body craved the joining, demanded her to move faster. Buttons gave way as she ripped open the fabric, allowing her access to his satiny skin. She nipped at his shoulder and kissed along his neck. He tasted of salt and musk and it filled her mouth and heated her blood. His name tumbled out of her mouth on breathy whispers.

  “Slow, Jahara. We have all the time in the world.” Brenimyn held her trembling hand over his heart. “Feel what I have for you.” He captured her mouth with his. With incredible tenderness, his silky tongue tasted her mouth. His fingers slowly undid the buttons at the front of her dress.

  “You are so beautiful.” Brenimyn ran his broad hand down the length of her body, parting the garment until she lay totally exposed beside him. “Your skin is like satin, your hair like silken threads.” She trembled when his fingers traced a lazy circle around her navel, shooting jolts of current to her fingers and toes.